Well, if you say so. Maybe you forgot. Maybe you're just a bit daft.\n\nOne of your terrible story ideas was poisoned ice cream, remember?\n\nWell, it was. And guess what? Now y'all are poisoned. Good job!\n\nSo, uh, you all choke to death or something. The end.\n\nYay.
"Actually, scrap that," she says, taking a more aggressive stance. "//Who// are you?"\n\n"Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy," Shepard says, not lowering her gun. "Who are you?"\n\nThe woman with the rainbow hair folds her arms, leaning against the wall. The Doctor pulls out his silver wand and points it at her. It makes a bit of noise and then he holds it up, looking at it.\n\n"Doesn't matter who I am," she says. "You're the intruders here. Jack, take their weapons."\n\nFrom the shadows, another woman emerges, with blonde hair and orange armour on. \n\n"Just try it," Garrus says, pointing his gun at her.\n\n[[Uh, maybe we shouldn't fight…|The Pirate Leader]]\n[[It's a trap!]]
The three of them approach the strange object sitting besides Shepard's bed; a blue box that goes nearly all the way up to the ceiling, the words "POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX" printed along the top.\n\nGarrus reaches over, running a finger across the surface.\n\n"It's made of wood," he says, surprised.\n\n"But how did it get here?" Tali asks.\n\nThe box's door shakes, and begins to swing open. Immediately the three of them step back, weapons raised.\n\n"Lifeforms detected, Shepard," EDI announces. "Do you have a visual?"\n\n"I will in a minute," Shepard responds, her eyes and gun focussed on the opening door of the blue box.\n\nTwo people step out of the box, both human. One is a woman, young and pretty and clearly very confused as to where she is.\n\n"Hello," the other one says. "I'm the Doctor."\n\n[[What.|Shepard's Cabin]]
Shepard is the first one to leave the elevator, flanked by Garrus and Tali. The three of them hold at the door, weapons ready.\n\n"Ready when you are, Shepard," Tali says quietly.\n\n"Let's kick their asses," Garrus adds.\n\nSilently, Shepard nods, and the door slides open. The three of them take a step in, but stop, not entirely sure what they're seeing.\n\n"Uh, what the hell is that?" Garrus asks, confused.\n\n"Some kind of Prothean technology?" Tali offers.\n\n"Scans suggest this technology is neither Prothean nor Reaper in origin," EDI informs them. \n\n"Well, it's definitely not Geth," Tali says.\n\n"It doesn't appear to be dangerous," EDI continues. "I recommend taking a closer look."\n\n[[Continue.|Prologue 3]]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY\n\nWhat follows is probably the most terrible thing I've ever written. It's really an embarassment, you should probably just close it now. Seriously.\n\nJust go.\n\nNo?\n\nOkay, well don't say I didn't warn you...\n\n[[Let's get this over with.|Prologue]]
"The Doctor can do it," you say. "I think."\n\n"If you say so," Dusk says. "Doctor?"\n\n"Easy," he says. "Well, not really easy. It's actually quite difficult, and complicated. Well, I //am// a genius. Shepard, you should call your specialist anyone. He might learn a thing or two."\n\nSlowly, carefully, he waves the silver wand over her skin, adjusting the sound that it makes and occasionally pulling it back to look at it more closely. As he works, you're joined by another alien, a skinny little man with a tiny head and curved horns.\n\n"What //are// you doing?" Dusk asks, concerned.\n\n"Scanning," the Doctor says. "Basic sonic analysis. Shouldn't take long to work out… ah, there it is." He stands back, pointing the wand at Dusk. "This won't hurt," he says. "Probably. Never tried it before, actually."\n\n"Uh…"\n\nHe turns the sonic wand thing on again, and Dusk squeezes her eyes shut. For a few seconds, she looks like a pony again, and her horn is glowing. Then she's back to normal, and the Doctor points the wand back at the princess.\n\n"Well, here goes nothing," he says.\n\nYou're not entirely sure what to expect, but not a lot seems to be happening. You look at the Doctor. He just shrugs.\n\n"Give it a second," he says.\n\n[[If you say so…|Celestia In Space]]
"You're not going anywhere," Shepard says, blocking the door. "What are you, and what are you doing on my ship?"\n\n"He's a Time Lord," EDI says suddenly. "I found something, buried in an old, closed-off database. I do not believe he is a threat, Commander Shepard."\n\nShepard hesitates, fixing him with a brutal stare. After an extended silence, she steps aside.\n\n"You'll have an armed escort at all times, and you won't do anything without clearing it with me first. Do you understand?"\n\n"Perfectly," he says. "Now, your pilot. Where is he?"\n\n"Uh, Commander?" Joker's voice again.\n\n"It's okay, Joker," Shepard reassures him. "Second floor," she tells the Doctor. "I'll accompany you."\n\n"Brilliant," he replies.\n\nThe two of them enter the elevator, and the alien holding you guides you forward into it as well. The female alien steps in last, after shooting a longing gaze back at the TARDIS. At least, you think it's a longing gaze. You can't actually see her face.\n\nThe command room is considerably bigger, containing nearly a dozen people and a giant holographic projection of the ship in the centre. When the crew see their commander, they relax.\n\nShepard leads you around the side of the room, down a corridor at the far end. Several people sit at terminals along the way, swiping their hands over projected screens.\n\n[[Time to meet the pilot, I guess.|Cockpit]]
Five minutes later, and still with no idea what's happening, you're taking your first step onto a chunk of space debris. It appears to be the remnants of some kind of spaceship or satellite.\n\nYou're standing in some kind of corridor, the Doctor beside you, Garrus and Tali in front of you. Shepard walks behind you, bringing up the rear.\n\n"I don't recognise the architecture," Tali says as you all begin to work. "I can't even imagine who might have built this."\n\n"Even I don't recognise it," the Doctor muses. "That's interesting. Never happened to me before. Well, there was one time. But we don't talk about that."\n\n"EDI, what can you tell us about this place?" Shepard asks, her gun raised in preparation.\n\n"I have no data, Commander," she says. "It's difficult to even get your readings while you're inside, but… hold on, Commander. I think there's something coming your way."\n\nImmediately, Shepard tenses, and Garrus and Tali raise their weapons. You think you hear a sound behind you, and you and Shepard both turn at the same time, catching the tail end of a blueish blur. \n\n"Uh, Commander?" Tali's voice. You turn back to the front of the group.\n\nA young woman stands there, dressed all in blue, her long hair dyed every colour of the rainbow, staring fiercely at you with violet eyes.\n\n"How did you get here?" she demands.\n\n[[Oh what now?|Intruders]]
You eat All The Cake. For some reason, the Normandy is on some kind of cake-delivering side quest, and it is FULL of cake. Every kind. You eat all of it. And it's, like, space cake, so you don't get full, or sick, or fat, or anything. It's great. It's also the best cake you've ever eaten. It's so good that it's actually improved all other cake in your life, too. So cake is just naturally better now. I know, I didn't think it was possible either.\n\nOh and I guess you say goodbye and stuff and get into the TARDIS and fly away or whatever.\n\nBut seriously, that cake.\n\nDamn.
"Can you heal her?" Dusk asks, still clearly uncomfortable having him so close to her princess.\n\n"Not sure yet," the Doctor replies. "Need time. Which, luckily, we now have."\n\n"Not as much as I'd like," Dusk says. "She's fading rapidly, I can feel it."\n\n"Yes, she's acting as your anchor to this world," he says. "If she goes, so do you."\n\n"We go home?" Dash asks.\n\n"No, you go nowhere," the Doctor replies. "Literally, nowhere. Trust me, it's not a lot of fun. Not exactly a lot to do. Or see."\n\n"What about Mordin?" Garrus asks, directing the question at Shepard.\n\n"Maybe," she replies. "You there. Pony. We have a medical specialist on board. He's also a genius, and possibly slightly less insane than the Doctor. He might be able to help.\n\nDusk looks at Shepard, then over at you.\n\n"You seem to be good at making decisions. Who would be better at saving the princess's life?"\n\n[[The Doctor.|Not A Medical Doctor]]\n[[Mordin.|The Very Model Of A Scientist Salarian]]\n[[Me.|Full Of Bad Ideas]]
All of a sudden, there's a knife in her hand, and it's held at his throat.\n\n"How do you know that?" she asks threateningly. "Who are you?"\n\n"I'm the Doctor," he says patiently. "I can help her. You just have to trust me. Nobody needs to die today."\n\n"You can't help her," she says, teleporting back to the woman on the floor. "She's not…"\n\n"Not human?" The Doctor asks. "I know. None of you are. The disguises are very good, but I know magic when I see it."\n\nHe raises his silver wand again, and points it at her. As it begins to emit a piercing sound, she wavers and flickers, and then all of a sudden, she's not human any more.\n\n[[Uh, what?|My Little Renegades]]
"Hey Commander, I think it's great that you've made a new friend and all, but we nearly got rammed by a giant space whale. I'm not really in the mood for show and tell."\n\nThe pilot, a short man with a ginger beard, doesn't even turn around to speak to you. His hands dance over the console in front of him.\n\nOccupying the seat to the right is a silver humanoid you can only assume is EDI, the synthetic voice you heard earlier. She does equally little to acknowledge your presence.\n\n"About that whale," the Doctor says, his eyes darting over the screens in front of them. "Can you track it?"\n\n"No can do," Joker replies. "And I really only take orders from one person, and that's-"\n\n"Just for today, it's two," the Doctor says succinctly. "Now, let's find that whale."\n\n"Uh, like I said, I can't-"\n\nHe's interrupted by the Doctor pulling out his little silver wand, and pointing it at the console. The wand glows and makes a sound, and the consoles and screens in the room all blur out for a moment. When they come back…\n\n…they look exactly the same.\n\n"What did you //do//?" Joker cries out.\n\n[[Uh-oh…|Cockpit 2]]
You appear to be in the middle of nowhere, which in space, could be anywhere. There are no visible planets and all of the stars seem pretty far away.\n\nMore importantly, there's no whale.\n\n"Where's the whale?" you ask.\n\n"He's coming," the Doctor says. "We needed to get here first. Somewhere around here, there should be…" he trails off, pulling out his silver wand again. Pointing it out the window, it starts making intermittent sounds and flashes, almost like a radar.\n\n"Uh, Doctor…?" you ask, but he's focussed on what he's doing.\n\n"There!" he cries suddenly, startling you. "That chunk of debris. That's where we need to go."\n\n"I don't see anything," Joker says.\n\n"Co-ordinates confirmed," EDI says. "Six life-forms present on board. I recommend sending an armed escort, Commander."\n\nShepard nods.\n\n"Garrus, Tali, you're with me. Joker, bring us in close. Doctor, you and your companion will find non-combat armoured suits by the airlock. You have five minutes."\n\n[[What the hell is going on?|First Contact]]
"The range and available spectrum of our scanning systems have been expanded,\n EDI says. "That was a highly refined sonic manipulation wave. How did you-"\n\n"No time to explain," the Doctor says. "Look. Whale!"\n\n"Oh shit, he's right," Joker says, tapping away at his keyboard. "Commander?"\n\nShepard looks at the Doctor, clearly uncertain what to do next. You're quite sure she's never been in a position quite this absurd before.\n\nYou do your best to give her a reassuring smile. She ignores you.\n\n"Follow the whale," she says. "Doctor, explain. Now."\n\nEveryone turns to look at the Doctor. He stops prodding the screen he's focussed on just long enough to scan the room, then reaches into his coat and pulls out a pair of glasses.\n\n"Okay then," he says, grinning.\n\nSuddenly you're not so sure you want to know.\n\n[[How bad can it be?|Cockpit 3]]
"There was a kind of… thing," the Doctor says, making a wild hand gesture that means nothing to anybody. "In a place. Well, not //a// place so much as a lot of places. Well, not so much a lot of places as, well, //all// places. Ever."\n\nShepard looks pissed.\n\n"You're not making any sense," she accuses.\n\n"Trying not to," the Doctor replies. "Can't explain it //and// make sense. Wouldn't work."\n\n…what?\n\n"Anyway, it was a sort of a thing that happened, or it will happen. Either way, it's definitely happening now, and it's going to keep happening until I can find what caused it, and do something about it. Until then, you're going to keep seeing things a lot stranger than space bound whales."\n\nOh, good.\n\n"Want me to loosen him up for you, Commander?" Garrus asks, clenching his three-fingered hand.\n\n"Tempting," Shepard says. "But no. Doctor, you're going to have to do better than that if you don't want to be kicked out of the airlock."\n\nThe Doctor looks at Shepard, then at you. You're pretty sure he winked at you, but it's kind of hard to tell.\n\n"There was a transdimensional chronosurge," he says, adjusting his glasses. "Possibly. Anyway, that's enough talking. Look, we're here!"\n\nYou look out the window, the same window everyone else is looking out, and ask the same question that's on everyone's lips.\n\n[["Where are we?"|Cockpit 4]]
Some Stupid Fanfic Thing
All of a sudden, the princess rears her head, gasping loudly. The ponies all take a step back, then cheer.\n\n"Wha- where am I?" she asks, looking around. You've never seen a person look more confused.\n\n"Space," the Doctor says. "Can't really be more specific than that, but you're a long way from home."\n\n"So I see," she says. "Thank you all for your assistance."\n\n"We have a lot to catch up on," Dusk says.\n\n"I'm looking forward to your next friendship report," the princess says. "But first, I think it's time I took all you ponies home."\n\n"Is it actually that easy?" you ask, feeling a little let down.\n\n"It is for me," she says. "But don't worry, you can come visit us some time, if you'd like. I'm sure this won't be our last adventure together." She looks behind her. "Say goodbye, my little ponies." She turns to the Doctor, and nods. "I'll see you again soon, I'm sure."\n\n"Sooner than you expect, I'd wager," he replies with a grin.\n\nWith a flash, all of the ponies suddenly vanish, leaving you alone with the Doctor, Commander Shepard, and her alien crew.\n\n"Right," the Doctor says. "Back to the Normandy, I think."\n\n[[Where else?|Celebration Time!]]
You step out of the TARDIS to find yourself in a small, grey room, with three weapons pointed right at you. Beside you, the Doctor doesn't seem to have even noticed.\n\n"How did you get on this ship?" the human demands, and you get the distinct impression she's in charge.\n\n"What do you mean you're the doctor?" the female alien asks. "Doctor who?"\n\n"Ah," the Doctor says, noticing the situation. "Guns. Don't like those. It's okay though, they won't shoot," he assures you. "Not until they know how we got here, anyway."\n\n"Careful, Shepard," a robotic voice says, through some kind of PA system. "That one's not human. I don't have any data on him at all."\n\n"'Course you don't," the Doctor says, still completely unfazed. "Never been here before. Not my kind of place. Too many guns. Still, I couldn't resist, just this once. Something I wanted to see."\n\nThe human female steps forward, raising her weapon to his face.\n\n"I'm only going to ask one more time. How did you get on this ship?"\n\n[[Well, this is a good start.|Shepard's Cabin 2]]
"HUMANS?" an obnoxiously loud voice echoes through the chamber. "Did you say humans? I wanna meet the humans!"\n\n"Pink, no!" Dusk shouts, standing and twisting to the left. She raises her hand and a purple barrier begins to materialise around the other entrance, but she's too slow.\n\nA woman unsurprisingly clad entirely in pink bursts through, an expression of manic glee plastered across her face, pink hair bouncing around her.\n\n"Humaaaaaaans"\n\nHer charge is cut short as a woman in white armour steps in front of her, conjuring a barrier of her own. Pink slams into it headfirst, bouncing backwards painfully.\n\n"Dammit, Rare," she complains, but she doesn't try to get around her.\n\nGreat, everybody here is crazy. That's good to know.\n\nThe Doctor steps forward, and almost immediately, Dash is standing in front of him, blocking his way.\n\n"You're a long way from home," he says, stepping around her. "You've done well disguising yourselves, but I assure you, you're quite safe with the present company."\n\n"I don't know what you're talking about," Dusk says, and in the blink of an eye, she's standing beside him. Did she just teleport? "Now answer my question."\n\n"We came here looking for you," he says. "Here to help. There's something coming your way, something big, and if you don't move, it's going to kill you all."\n\n"We can't move," she says, glancing back over her shoulder.\n\n"I know," he says. "The princess is sick, and your magic can't heal her. That's why I'm here."\n\n[[How does he know any of that?|I'm A Doctor]]
The Doctor stands back, looking around at everyone.\n\n"Come on, guys," he says. "Ideas. Suggestions. Hit me with them."\n\n"I've been spending some time down in the engine rooms," Jack says. "The engines on this thing are pretty badly damaged, no way to fix them properly. Been tinkering, though, and I think maybe I might be able to get them going just long enough to move us out of the way."\n\n"More likely you'll blow us all up," Dash says. "Even if you can get the engines working, this place is barely holding together as it is. You'd tear us apart."\n\n"Well, that's all I've got," Jack says. "Feel free to suggest something yourself."\n\n"Yeah, I've got nothing," Dash admits.\n\n"Is that really it?" the Doctor asks. "Great. Well, here's a suggestion-"\n\nAt that moment, the princess twitches, then starts coughing hard enough you're worried she might explode. The Doctor stops talking and crouches beside her, waving his silver wand over her.\n\n"Never mind," he says. "Amelia, you think of something."\n\nWell, shit.\n\n[[Get Jack to rewire the engines.|BOOM]]\n[[Do nothing.|Mathematical]]
"Back off," Shepard warns them. "Garrus, Tali, don't surrender your weapons, at any cost."\n\nThe woman with the rainbow hair nods.\n\n"Jack."\n\nJack nods back. In a blur of movement, her foot lashes out, and Garrus's gun is sent flying out of his hands. Tali opens fire, but Jack has already moved out of the way, and with another brutal kick, Tali is disarmed.\n\nShepard is further back, out of kicking range. Before she can fire her weapon, though, the woman with the rainbow hair dashes over to her, too fast to follow, knocking the gun out of her hands.\n\n"ENOUGH!" a voice thunders from behind. Another woman has joined the others, with glittering white armour and long, purple hair.\n\nJack and the woman in blue back off.\n\n"You got it, Rare," the woman in blue says.\n\n"Hello," the Doctor says, unbothered. "I'm the Doctor."\n\nRare looks at him, then at you.\n\n"Take them to the Dusk," she says.\n\n[[Dusk?|The Pirate Leader]]
Aboard the Normandy, alarms are sounding, and the crew are in a state of panic. Someone has infiltrated the ship, and with the Reaper invasion imminent, they fear the worst. No-one else has the technology to suddenly appear inside a ship like the Normandy.\n\nCommander Shepard is standing in the kitchen, scooping herself a bowl of ice cream, when Joker's voice comes over the PA.\n\n"Uh, Commander? We have a little problem."\n\nShepard hesitates, the ice cream beginning to melt on her spoon.\n\n"What is it, Joker?"\n\n"Um, we have a little intruder problem," Joker replies. "There's someone on the ship."\n\nShepard drops the spoon, ignoring the ice cream that splatters on the floor. Immediately she begins heading for the armoury, to retrieve her weapons and armour.\n\n"Where?"\n\n"It appears to be in your quarters, Commander Shepard," EDI's synthesised voice replies.\n\n"I'll be right there," Shepard says.\n\n[[Continue.|Prologue 2]]
"We do nothing," you say. "It's not worth the risk. Maybe the whale is smart enough to go around."\n\n"If not, this is going to be messy," Jack warns.\n\n"Nothing?" the Doctor asks. "I //hate// doing nothing- never mind, focussing on the princess. I hope you know what you're doing, Amelia."\n\nSo do you.\n\n"Uh, Commander? You might want to get out your omni-tool and look at this. I… I really don't know how to explain this."\n\n"Try anyway," Garrus suggests. "Just for the fun of it."\n\n"Okay, well, there's a dog and a ten year old kid on top of the whale," Joker says. "The dog is… I think it's made of rubber or something. It's stretching around the whale like a harness, and… uh, okay, they're actually turning the whale away from you. Somehow. I don't really…"\n\n"What the…" Shepard mutters.\n\n"They're just having an adventure," the Doctor replies absently. "Always time for an adventure. Anyway, now that the whale is taken care of, we need to worry about this sick pony."\n\n[[Um…|Medical Attention]]
For just a second, you see her real form; four legs and a horn. Then her illusion kicks back in, and she's back to looking human, but you know what you saw.\n\n"Ponies," the Doctor says.\n\n"Ponies?" Shepard asks, incredulous. \n\nWhatever. It's not even the weirdest thing you've seen today.\n\n"How did you know that?" Dusk asks, looking menacingly at him.\n\n"I've been to a lot of places," he answers simply. "Now, about your princess…"\n\n"I think it's an infection," Dusk says. "But I can't fight it. Everything I try just makes her worse, and I don't think we have much time left. I don't know what else to try, but I can't give up on her."\n\n"And so you shouldn't," the Doctor says, before a familiar voice interrupts over your suits communication systems.\n\n"Uh, Commander? We have a problem…"\n\nIt's Joker, which means you can probably guess what the problem is.\n\n[[It's that fucking whale again, isn't it?|Prepare For Impact]]
Back on the Normandy, you've all gathered in the recreation area. The TARDIS is ready to leave, but first, you have to say goodbye to your new friends, and there's one more decision left to make.\n\nWill you celebrate with cake, or ice cream?\n\n[[Cake!]]\n[[Ice cream, duh.]]
"Stand down," Shepard says. "We'll go without a fight."\n\nYou're lead into a larger room with only two entrances, including the one you entered through. Several crates are stacked up to form a protective perimeter.\n\nIn the centre of the room, a woman is lying on the floor, unconscious but breathing. Crouched beside her is a woman clad in purple, glaring at you as you enter. \n\n"Hello," the Doctor says. "I'm the Doctor."\n\n"Dusk," she replies, her eyes focused on you. "Dash, Jack, make sure they're unarmed //before// bringing them here, next time."\n\n"Sorry, Dusk," Dash, the woman with rainbow hair, replies.\n\n"Don't worry about it, Dusk," a voice from the ceiling says. "I have them in my sights."\n\nYou glance up. There's a woman with long pink hair lying on some kind of rafter, a sniper rifle trained right on the Doctor.\n\n"Try not to reveal your position next time, Shy," Dusk chides. "Now, you humans. And… weird alien things. How did you find us?"\n\nYou look over to the Doctor, but he's too busy staring at the woman on the floor.\n\n[[Well, this is going well.|The Princess Is Sick]]
"It should be Mordin," you suggest, hoping you made the right choice. Dusk nods, happy with your choice.\n\n"Send him down," she tells Shepard.\n\nTen minutes later, a skinny alien man who looks a bit like a cross between a lizard and an owl is in the room, crouched over the princess pony.\n\n"Interesting. Physiology unique, even among… others present. Not strictly organic, no synthetic materials. Somewhat metaphysical in nature. Curious. Would love to dissect, investigate and learn. Dozens, no, hundreds of possible medical applications. But, not priority. Infection spreading, but simple. Basic batarian virus, but can't use batarian medicine. Physiology closer to quarian, but some adjustments needed. Hmm. Shouldn't take long."\n\nHe speaks fast, and doesn't seem to be talking to anyone in particular. As he talks, he's manipulating a variety of surgical instruments, but in the end, all he uses is a single syringe.\n\n"Nothing's happening," Dusk says, looking worried.\n\n"Takes time," Mordin replies. "Give it a few minutes. Reduce proximity."\n\nYou're all tense as you stand back and watch, waiting to see if she'll pull through.\n\n[[Fingers crossed.|Celestia In Space]]
"Um, okay…" Dusk says, beckoning you over to the princess. You settled down beside her, and watch as the illusion peels away.\n\nThey all look at you expectantly.\n\nSeriously, why did you think you could do this? You don't know anything about medicine. You don't know anything about ponies and their anatomy. You don't know anything about weird space diseases. \n\nHonestly, you're a bit of a twat.\n\nLook, I'm not going to tell you exactly how this goes. You made a mistake. Well, no. You fucked up, and you fucked up bad. You made things worse, and those ponies were pretty on edge as it was. You'd have been lucky if they'd just thrown you out of the airlock.\n\nSeriously, why would you volunteer?\n\nGo back and try it again.\n\nTwat.
"Sorry, Commander," a male voice says over the PA. "Came out of nowhere, not sure what it- uh, okay. EDI, pinch me, will you? OW. You didn't have to do it so hard."\n\n"Joker, what happened?"\n\n"You're not going to believe me, Commander," he says.\n\n"Joker."\n\n"Right, sorry. Uh, we nearly got hit by a, uh, a giant whale."\n\nYou're starting to see why they call him Joker.\n\n"Now really isn't the time, Joker," the alien still holding you says.\n\n"Not making this up, Garrus," Joker responds. "EDI?"\n\n"I saw the same thing," EDI confirms. "Nothing on the scanners."\n\n"We're late," the Doctor says, suddenly concerned. He looks at you. "We're late."\n\n"You have a //time machine//," you say, staring back at him. "HOW CAN YOU BE LATE?"\n\n"It's… complicated," he says, looking guilty. He glances back at the TARDIS. "I think she's made a friend. Can't move her for a bit. Gonna have to take this ship instead."\n\nShepard raises her gun, apparently forgetting it no longer works.\n\n"Excuse me?"\n\n"No time to explain," the Doctor says, already walking towards the door. "I need to speak to your pilot. In person. A lot of lives could be in danger."\n\n"Is he insane?" the alien holding you whispers in your ear.\n\n"Probably," you whisper back.\n\n[[What is even happening here?|Command Deck]]
"We just sort of… materialised," the Doctor says, looking annoyed. "It's complicated, and I don't usually like explaining things with a gun in my face."\n\nHe reaches into his pocket, pulling out a little silver wand. The aliens look tense, but don't shoot. Without warning, he points it at them, and…\n\n…a little light glows at the end, and it makes a sound. Great.\n\nA second later, the guns all visibly short circuit, rendered completely useless.\n\n"Don't worry; it's only temporary. Now, let's try those introductions again, shall we?"\n\nHe looks at you, and winks.\n\n"I'm the Doctor, and this is Amelia. She's new. Not sure if I'm keeping her, yet. We're travellers, nothing more-"\n\nHe's interrupted as the ship suddenly swerves sideways, nearly knocking everyone off their feet. In fact, you're the only one who fails to remain standing, and you stumble forwards, about to fall flat on your face, when the tall lizard-bird-man grabs you gently, keeping you standing upright.\n\n[[The hell was that?|Shepard's Cabin 3]]
"Jack, see what you can do about those engines," you say, hoping you're making the right decision. For some reason, you have a been feeling about it.\n\n"On it," Jack says, trotting off out the back door.\n\n"I'll go with her," Garrus says. "I'm something of an expert in calibrations."\n\n"Me too," Tali adds. "I've spent a lot of time around engines."\n\n"Shy, go keep an eye on them," Dusk orders. "I still don't trust them."\n\n"S-sure," comes a vaguely timid reply.\n\nThe rest of you crowd around the princess, watching the Doctor work. To the untrained eye, it looks like he's doing a whole lot of absolutely nothing, but you're sure that it's actually very clever and difficult. Probably.\n\n"Alright, we're about to fire up the engines," Jack says over the intercom. "Brace yourselves."\n\n"Do it," Dusk says. "We just need to have faith."\n\n3\n\n2\n\n1\n\n…\n\nBANG.\n\n~~~\nWell, the good news is, the engines worked. The bad news is, they worked a little //too// well, and the ship couldn't handle it. The ship was ripped into pieces, and you were all sucked out into space. Then the engines exploded, so there wasn't even anything left of you. But hey, at least you didn't get in the whale's way, right?\n\nYou should try the other option.